I said last week that there were things I wanted to share that may or may not enlighten you in your daily life. Lessons I’ve learned along the way during my 81 years. As I got older I heard more and more about becoming widowed or divorced and the struggles people go through when this happens so….
In the WEEKLY WISDOM for this week, I want to share some insights about moving on if you get divorced or widowed.
Many years ago when I was in a group called co-dependence anonymous, (yes in my younger years I was very co-dependent) I heard that to move on after any relationship takes half the time again that you spent together.
However it can be much harder to apply to divorce or the death of a partner. The waiting period for moving forward after a marriage that quite possibly spanned the better part of a decade or often much longer definitely takes more time.
If you are interested in finding out more about co-dependency the best way is to read Melody Beattie’s book, Co-dependence No More, which you can get here. Although not a new book, it’s wonderful if there are people you want to let go of or you’re having a challenge creating boundaries.
It is important to remember that everyone goes through different stages of grief. There are many ways to cope with loss and there is no right or wrong way to react. This is a very simple and inexpensive book from which you can get a lot of insight about the 5 stages of grief.
After the initial loss, which you will go through in your own time, there are ways to make losing someone through divorce or death a little less stressful.
Change Your Viewpoint
After you’ve been with your partner for a long time, it’s natural to feel like you’ve lost who you are as an individual. So, it often becomes necessary to re-adjust the way you look at things. Just because you’re on your own doesn’t mean your life is empty or meaningless.
I not only speak from training but from personal experience. I didn’t have anyone to give me help initially and I made some horrible mistakes after my divorce by jumping too quickly into relationships to fill the gap. Spend time getting to know and love yourself as an individual. Don’t feel like you have to fill the empty space with someone else.
Schedule more time to with friends and family. In addition add time for yourself that you may not have had during your relationship. Find out what you really enjoy doing.
This doesn’t mean you won’t grieve but it will give you time to get to know yourself better.
Give Yourself Credit
As you pick up your life piece by piece, don’t fall into the bottomless pit of feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, be proud of your hard work and how far you’ve come.
You may not yet be at the point in your life where you feel you’re making real progress, but you’ve taken plenty of positive steps forward. Celebrate those.
For example, give yourself credit if you’ve just made a phone call you’ve been dreading or learned how to do something that was previously your partner’s domain. Those little successes in your daily life should be valued and celebrated.
Be Grateful for What You Have
One way to land on your feet is to count your blessings. Look around you at the things you have and the people who care for you. Register as many positives as you can to help you appreciate your life now just as it is.
Even if you’re on your own, you now have the freedom to make new friends. You can try volunteering, enrolling in a class or simply becoming a more active member of your community.
Set up Things to Look Forward To
Now you’re on your own, you’ll find that you probably have more free time than before.
Don’t spend it all catching up on chores, work and running errands. Instead, carve out some time for yourself each day–even if it’s just for five minutes.
Doing things you enjoy, like gardening, painting or just taking a walk, can help lower stress and anxiety. It can also brighten up your mood and add happiness to your day. You might decide to…
- Join a book club
- Attend a local art gallery
- Join a walking group
- Invite a few friends and host a game night
Whatever your age, think of divorce or being widowed as the end of one path and the start of a new one. But on this one you’ll do most of the walking alone. You are never too old to live life differently.
The trick is to not look at it as something scary. Instead, take this time to rediscover yourself and embark on a new adventure full of exciting possibilities.
If you have any questions or input please don’t hesitate to email me at Hazel@Liveyourabundantlife.com.
I’m Hazel Palache, author, success coach, clinical hypnotherapist, stress management counselor and entrepreneur. If you have any questions I would love to connect with you. Over my 30 years as a Mindset Expert I’ve helped many hundreds of people to change their lives and businesses so they are living a life they love with less stress and more fun. Everything I write about and teach, I’ve been through and come out the other side myself so, although I have lots of training, I speak from vast personal experience.
If you would like a complimentary chat just email me at Hazel@LiveYourAbundantLife.com and you will be contacted to set up a 30 minute session by Zoom or phone. Your choice. There's never going to be a better time than NOW.